How can I get rid of my anger?
Let's talk a little about what anger is. For me, anger arises when I am in a situation in life where I see no way out except by executing my will. It is often very difficult to recognize when we are angry, because, for example, in a strict environment (I am thinking of school for example), due to social expectations, it is very difficult to have space for self-identity, often the teacher cannot handle the given situation, therefore the student does not have the opportunity for self-expression.
So, when I am angry, it is already a consequence of my will or feelings being restricted in some way before. It often happens that, for example, someone pushes me on a bus while I'm trying to stay out of the way, but he doesn't apologize. It feels pretty bad because I've done everything and I'm not getting any appreciation for my efforts. Then, five minutes later, a dear friend of mine asks how you are, Szabi, and I only respond grumpily that it's nothing, leave it.. Then the feeling born in me (anger) can't find a way out, so I can't let it out, that's why in some of my actions like the feeling of excess energy appears (I'm grumpy, I'm even bored (I emphasize, I'm talking about myself now)).
So, in order to be able to work with your anger and get rid of it, the first step is to recognize it. If you don't know what's bothering you, you can't deal with it. A good practice for this is to write and keep a diary about the events that may have angered you for some reason that day. It probably won't be that easy at first, but it will get better and better with time. I emphasize that the goal here is not to write everything down, but rather to practice recognizing your own feelings.
Oké oké Szabi, de hogy szabadulok meg a dühtől.. most már eleget hallottam a felismerésről.
In the next step, we should talk a little about stress management. This means to take into account how to deal with the accumulated stress in a given situation.
- A megküzdés nem minden esetben jelenti azt, hogy teljesen elimináljuk, hanem azt, hogy az adott szituációban a szándékunknak megfelelően tudjuk érvényesíteni magunkat. Na ez most megint bonyolultan hangozhat, ugyanakkor arra gondolok, hogy ha a rendőr azt mondta, hogy a piroson átmentünk (közbe meg nem), akkor valószínűleg a büntetést nem tudjuk elkerülni, de egy kisebb irányába el tudunk mozdulni azáltal, hogy kedvesek vagyunk a rendőrrel, vagy legalább nem provokálunk további büntetést. Jelen esetben a stresszel való megküzdés az ELKERÜLÉST jelenti. Ez egy olyan módszer ami az adott helyzetben használható jól, de utólag plusz munkát kell befektetni (mert később az adott érzést ugyan úgy fel kell dolgozni, csak ennek az időpontját mozdítottuk el későbbre, hogy az adott pillanatban nyugodtak tudjunk lenni).
- A következő módszer a MEGOLDÁS azaz, hogy a bennünk kiváltó stressz forrását megoldjuk. A probléma megoldásán való munka megnyugtató, főleg ha első kézből tapasztaljuk, hogy a munkánknak eredménye van pl.: nem tudom, hogy hogyan kell esszét írni, de van egy ismerősöm, akivel ha leülök, akkor elmagyarázza nekem.
What then, Szabi, if none of them really work?
Then it means that your currently available tools and knowledge do not provide a solution to the given problem, so in the best case you avoid it, but sometimes you are completely cornered.
Well, the first step is to ask for help ( importing knowledge and tools from the outside, and creating a supportive/accepting atmosphere) .
Help can be of various kinds, some help by having someone listen and pay attention to you. This is very important, because if you hear that someone accepts your problem as you experience it, then that experience will be more acceptable to you. At the same time, the help can also refer to the fact that the other person has a tool or knowledge that can be used to solve your problem, e.g.: math homework - you ask your teacher what formula could be used to get to the result.
A segítségkérés egy másik formája az, amikor a másik nem oldja meg a helyzeted, de segít elemezni azt, hogy mi is történt veled.
- By having a better understanding of what affects and bothers you, the possibility opens up for you to be able to decide what is worth fighting for (what you need) and what can possibly be let go.
- Another possibility that opens up is that you can look at things from a new perspective. For example, I have a friend who I couldn't talk to normally because we had to go somewhere all the time. At the beginning, we were still able to have coffee, but then we went shopping, then we took out insurance and so on... And there was a point when what I was going through really bothered me and I asked what was happening now.
That's when my friend told me that he didn't really want to shake me down or that I didn't hurt him, but that he just had a very stressful few weeks and feels that if he doesn't do anything, he's not using his time, which he has very little of. By asking and clarifying this, I had the opportunity to REFRAME my own experience, which in short means that I attribute a new meaning to a given action or event. E.g.: I missed the train, but this way I had the opportunity to rest a little from the enormous rush of the day. In the first sense, something sad happened, but at the same time, realizing what a new opportunity this gave me (I had free time), I was able to attribute a positive meaning to it.
It is important that this does not mean that negative feelings should be replaced by positive ones, on the contrary. It is worth adding the positive to the negative. If this succeeds, then you can balance what I attribute great importance to.
Sometimes it happens that we are powerless, e.g.: in the case of a runaway pet, you cannot directly influence when the little pet comes back. For this, I recommend a wall data: drawing the circles of influence.
And then, after such a long introduction, let's get to the point, Szabi!
So, basically, if you already know what you want to achieve and why it is important to you, then it is much easier to deal with it, it is easier to grasp it. Although we are talking about spiritual topics, physics can help us.
A bennünk létrejövő érzések, ahogy az angol is használja E-MOTION – mozgást jelent, tehát energiát tartalmaz. Ahhoz, hogy ezt az energiát le tudd vezetni, ahhoz szükséged van egy csatornára és valamilyen eredményre. Pl.: festés a csatorna a kép az eredmény. Az eredmény mindig kifejezi azt, hogy mi volt vele a szándékod.
So, you can release your anger on a physical level, e.g. with some kind of sport, which can be a combat sport, or just some kind of physical stress such as running / swimming, etc. (where the result is that you can experience your own strength and will in the stress), you can express it on a spiritual level, when you share what's inside of you with your girlfriend or your mother, and when you say it, the energy takes shape in the words, and on a mental level, you express your inner state in the form of some kind of creative work.
I hope this bit of fluff helped, I look forward to your response regarding what it triggered in you.
